It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
