i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
