the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
