Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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