I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
