you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize