I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
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