Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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