Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
