So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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