I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
