I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
