My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
