is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize