I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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