I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
