Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
