Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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