Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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