Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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