...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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