When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
