evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
