Small penises have feelings too.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
