I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
