In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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