Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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