At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
