i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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