She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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