i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
