He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
