I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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