Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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