Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
