At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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