from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
