You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
