brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
