How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
