All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
