Already got asked if we're dating
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
