Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
