party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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