i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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