When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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