I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
