Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize