I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just forgot I was standing up.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
