I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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