Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
