On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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