I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
