I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
