I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
