The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
