ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
