k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Too much gin, very little bucket
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
