My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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