I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
