Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
this boner is exhausting
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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