I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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