My friends, they love my intelligence
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
