Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
